...the most impressive credentials in any Pathways ad belong to individual sex coach Loraine Hutchins... the sex coach's duties are left to our imaginations. I picture Hutchins wearing a whistle and a Tom Landry fedora and carrying a clipboard ... she blows the whistle and ... diagrams the next play using X's and O's. 'All right, team,' she bellows, 'go out there and score!'
-- Washington Post, Magazine Reader column by Peter Carlson, 04.09.02
Standard definitions of sex coaching do not yet exist. Certification programs are just developing. Sex coaches come from a variety of professional backgrounds and training modalities. Although we each approach our work uniquely we all feel coaching is the best word for how we work with people on their sexuality concerns. Sex coaches don't diagnose or pathologize. Every session is outcome-oriented; experiential exercises increase your ability to use your erotic energy for your own pleasure and to connect deeply with another. This FAQ (list of Frequently Asked Questions and answers) explains my approach to sex coaching. It is not meant to explain anyone else's.
I use conscious breathing and relaxation techniques -- combined with bodily and cognitive awareness. I provide a safe, shame-free environment where vulnerability, awkwardness and sexual questioning are welcome. You cannot impress or disappoint me. I am not your judge. I am not your sex object. I support your needs for intimacy and human connection and teach you skills to better meet these needs. I am your advocate.
I listen to your sexual questions. I ask you questions that help focus your goals. Then together we create exercises and experiences, both in and out of sessions, that help you reach your goals. I respect any boundary you set and expect you to respect mine, though I do ask you to push against your boundaries occasionally when I feel you need a nudge. I believe in the wisdom of your erotic self-knowledge. I help you deepen your pleasure and self-love so that you can honor your own life force's beauty more fully and, from that sturdy base, connect more intimately with others.
Sessions run 60-90 minutes, following an initial telephone consult. A 90 minute session generally allows time for verbal sharing, goal-setting and experiential exercises. An hour can be a bit tight but sessions can be tailored to fit your schedule.
I have a sliding scale fee structure.
I will assist you in setting your own goals for each session. You name a desired outcome. I ask you to articulate, as best you can, exactly what it will look and feel like, and then we work from there. You might learn new ways to pleasure yourself, work on a more positive body image, learn how to feel the energetic connection between your heart and your genitals, discover how to consciously circulate erotic energy throughout your body, find more satisfaction in how and why you masturbate, learn what's involved in creating a self-touch meditation, or work on how to communicate your sexual feelings better to your partner.
Specialties -- sexual minorities, people living with disabilities, women, fat people, middle-aged and older
I am particularly dedicated to helping women, fat people, those middle-aged and over, those living with disabilities, and those who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and/or intersex to claim their/our full personal erotic power. People in these groups are entitled to be as sexually active and satisfied as anyone, everyone. But because of society's prejudices (and our own internalizations of same) our sexualities have been undefined, misunderstood, ignored, suppressed. Everyone deserves erotic mentoring. A lot of us missed it growing up. I am an equal-opportunity sex coach and will work with any client who is the right fit for me, regardless of demographics. I will also refer you to another colleague if I feel you would benefit from someone else's help more than my own.
My sex coaching emerges from the inter-disciplinary crucible of my activism, sex education, peer counseling and research expertise. I started out in the 70s as a youth advocate and bisexual social justice activist and continued organizing, publishing, and speaking about bisexuality into the 80s and 90s (see Selected Writings and Sex Education & Liberation sections). This work brought me into contact with people of all ages, races, cultures and orientations, helping them better understand bisexuality, or any kind of sexuality, in themselves and others. This gave me insights and experience as a sex educator and peer counselor. I've worked in these capacities, part-time or full-time, for over 20 years. In the mid-90s I entered an independent-study doctoral research program where I studied and analyzed contemporary sacred sexuality rituals in the U.S., particularly from the point of view of those often most eroticized and sexually-objectified; women and sexual minorities. I continue to teach workshops and seminars on these sexuality and spirituality issues. I am also engaged in mutual mentoring and training relationships. Betty Dodson - women's masturbation teacher extraordinaire, Joseph Kramer - founder of the Body Electric Erotic Massage School, and performance artist/pleasure activist Annie Sprinkle are my three chief colleagues/consultants. I co-starred in Dodson's first video, SelfLoving: Portrait of a Women's Sexuality Seminar. I learned conscious breathing and touch techniques from Body Electric and supported Kramer's documentation of the development of his Taoist Erotic Massage approach as a member of his Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality doctoral committee. I am a graduate of Kramer's Sexological Bodywork Certificate program at the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco. I have also learned techniques/philosophies of bodywork, erotic ritual, sacred spot massage, sacred sexualities, safer sex education, and group dynamics from Deborah Taj Anapol, Jack Painter, Liza Gabriel, Lani Ka'ahumanu, Jennifer Isham, C.T. Butler, Sherry Marts, Marta Helleisen, Madrone, Selah Martha, Starhawk, Ibrahim Farajaje, Gina Ogden, Carol Queen, Gene Long, Evalena Rose; the list just grows and grows.
Remember - erotic joy is our birthright, our blessing, our pleasure-touchstone to being fully alive. You are entitled to reclaim yours fully now.
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