Folks - this piece was published, in full, in SOME WOMEN, by Laura Antoniou, 1995, Masquerade Books. Buy it for the introduction by Pat Califia, alone!

Here is an excerpt:

They ask me who you were, what I remember you by.

I could say that you were one of the first safe sex educators to develop training programs for gay and bisexual men, that you co-founded The Bisexual Center in San Francisco, that you were a sex educator in the community for many years, that you worked as a daycare center teacher and were a father yourself, that you were proudly Jewish, that you died of AIDS.

What matters most to me is none of that. What matters most is how you were my leather daddy one evening out of eternity, one evening soon after we met.

I was visiting San Francisco from DC, in the middle of working with Lani on the big bi book full of all of our stories that would come out later that year. We'd never met but had heard about each other from Lani for years. You invited me to be your guest at a private sm club on Shotwell Street. We agreed to meet at the Bi Dance, held in celebration of our first National Bisexual Conference in San Francisco. It was June 1990, Pride Week, the Sixth International AIDS conference was in town too. My lover John had died that winter, I knew you were HIV+, that others of our friends were too. It accelerates things, desire included. I knew this was the only time we had.

At Mission High School all sorts of colorfully dressed bisexuals whirled around the gym. You were dressed totally, cap to boots, in black leather. I was in layers -- cream lace shawl and long loose magenta sweater over white dress, black lace see-through number underneath it all. We arrived separately, nonchalant. You danced with everyone who wanted to dance with you. I did the same. One spectacular dance you did was with a 300 pound woman poured gracefully into a tuxedo. You were both light on your feet, unforgettable, twirling each other in the center of us all.

Driving to the club you asked me what I liked sexually. We exchanged stories about our experiences with the sm scene, why it draws us...It was such a luxury to not have to justify, explain, rationalize, interprete this desire. To just explore it with someone who understood, who knew similar desires, trusted the spiritual journeys involved....

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